Friend Choices: How Do You Guide Your Child Away from Unhealthy Friendships

I believe it is a parent's job to be mindful of their children's friends. When they are small, I guess it's more about the vibe you get from the other toddler's parents than about the actual interaction between the children.  The parent's reaction to certain situations is how you decide whether or not a regular "play date" is a good thing. For example: If my child is playing with another and the child bites her. If the parent says "oh, it's not a big deal all 3 year olds do that." I might allow another play date, but be paying very close attention to what happens next time. Because a 3 year old can't really understand what he is doing is hurtful, it would be up to his/her parent to guide him.

As my daughter has gotten older, now almost 10; I am still watching but for different things. I love that she has many friends and every one of them is her "best friend". She has such a sweet disposition and doesn't like to hurt anyone's feelings. While her gentleness is a wonderful quality, it can also be a problem when it comes to "friends" who are possessive. In the past year, she has had a friend who "didn't want her to sit next to anyone else". To the point that this friend would push a person off a chair to sit next to my daughter. If my daughter would say, I want to talk to my other friends this child would pinch, slap or twist her arm to keep her from doing it. Speaking with the child's parent didn't seem to change things and they keep calling to set up a sleepover or get together. How do you I say I don't think this is a good idea without getting into what is likely to be a very sensitive and hurtful conversation?

This pattern repeated itself this summer with a new friend she met a VBS. I won't go into the whole story but it is very similar to the one above. I try to teach her to handle situations on her own and stand up for herself before I get involved. I also believe that it is my job to protect my daughter from relationships that are unhealthy. I am a Christian person and I try very hard to be tactful. But the truth is if I can't get my point across delicately, I tend to be very blunt. My experience has taught me that beating around the bush leaves too much open to interpretation. Is that approach considered un-christian like? Would Jesus think less of me?

I would love to hear your thoughts, experiences and suggestions on this issue.. post now!

Spiritual Hypocrites... Call Them Out or Walk Away

In Matthew Chapter 23, Jesus calls out the spiritual hypocrites of His time. Rabbi, Priest, Pastor it mattered not. If you were a spiritual leader using religion or the church as a cover for unChrist-like behavior, He was going to expose you. Jesus also called on Christians to expose those who mislead their followers.

Matthew 23:5 "Everything they do is done for people to see: They make their phylacteries[a] wide and the tassels on their garments long; 6 they love the place of honor at banquets and the most important seats in the synagogues; 7 they love to be greeted with respect in the marketplaces and to be called 'Rabbi' by others." Community outreach is about more than placing a frozen turkey in a box while the local newspaper takes your photo! A true spiritual leader should be actually handing the gift of food and hope face to face. Holding out a hand to the receiver, saying God loves you! Pastor Jerry Johnston are you listening?

Matthew 23:25 "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. 26 Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean. Today, if you call yourself the "First Family" and are followed by bodyguards within the walls of your church; you have given yourself too much credit. Your arrogance is so great you believe you are exempt from the laws of God. But beware Pastor Jerry Johnston, God sees past the large salary, expensive clothes, and fancy words. HE sees your true heart. You cannot hide from Him.

Matthew 23:23 "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices-mint, dill and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law-justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. 24 You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel." Yet again you disregard the laws of God and biblical principles. Organizing a lynch mob without all the facts is not justice. Firing someone based on hearsay (also known as gossip) is not merciful. Betraying them after years of loyal ministry is a violation of faith. Pastor Jerry Johnston, Dan Galindau, Board of Elders of First Family Church in Overland Park are you listening?

Beware church leaders! We all must be diligent in our walk with God. We must continue to look inside our "cup" to make sure it is clean. Without a clear path to God, we are likely to veer into oncoming traffic and the crash can be devastating!

HOLDING ON AND LETTING GO...

Since May, our family has been in spiritual turmoil. The senior pastor of the church we have been members of for the past 6 years has engaged in behavior that is not in line with biblical principles. After much deliberation, we decided to leave the church.

I have been struggling with what to do with all I know about the leaders of the church. Do I call them out or do I just leave it behind? While the human side of me would love for the world to know all, the spiritual side of me says that God will take care of it. I have come to the conclusion that spending anymore time or energy on them is giving them too much power. The fact is that they aren't important enough! They aren't significant enough to continue talking about. Egos like theirs will only be brought into check when the halls of the church are silent. 

In order to move forward, I can no longer look back. With God's help and guidance, I will let go of the sadness, disappointment, and anger. I want to be the person Jesus sees. Those who have lost sight of Him, will fall without any help from me.

What Do You Do When Grandma Refuses to Follow Parental Wishes?

Last May the Grandparents came for a visit to see our daughter in the church musical. Ever since I can remember, whenever they visit, our daughter becomes abstinent, cranky and just plain hard to manage. I get the whole idea that kids are supposed to have fun with their Grandparents, but at what point does fun turn into unruliness? And at what point do you say enough is enough?

OK, on with the story. So it was the night before the musical and I had a couple of errands to run. I asked my mother in law if she would have my daughter make a thank you card for her music director and then dress for bed before I got home. Seems like a reasonable request, right? When I returned home about an hour later (around 8:30 p.m.), no card had been made and my daughter was playing on the computer. I asked my mother in law what they had been doing and why nothing I had requested was done? She said and I quote: "I am not gonna be the one to tell her she can't do things". What? To that I responded: "Well she wouldn't go to school either if I didn't make her. She's 9, she doesn't get to make decisions. Someone has to be the adult." I'm sure you can imagine how that went over. I know the bible says to honor thy Mother and Father and we are a Christian family, but when is it okay to set that aside and confront them about disobeying your wishes?

Since that time, there have been repeated requests from Grandma to have our daughter come for a one or two week visit without us. My husband takes frequent trips to see them so that they get to spend time with their granddaughter, but we are reluctant to let her go alone. Are we being too controlling? Is it silly for us to be concerned about their disregard for our parenting choices?

Post your comment or stories here. I would love to get another perspective on the issue!

Welcome! It's good to see you!

Thanks for stopping by my blog. I am a Christian Mom who spends her days parenting two beautiful daughters and running my t shirt business. Both with God's guidance and patience!

This blog will be about our experiences and struggles with daily life. Since we are human beings, we will make mistakes, learn some lessons and look to God for wisdom. I hope you will find it a blog about real experiences in a world where being a Christian is not only difficult, but considered uncool by many. My customers are wonderful Christian people who share their faith with others by purchasing and wearing the Christian themed t shirts we provide at onlinechristianshopper.com. These are courageous warriors for Jesus Christ and work to bring his message of hope, love and forgiveness to those who do not know Him. I am so proud of them!

I don't pretend to be a perfect person (there was only One). I do try to be a person of whom Jesus would be proud. I won't lie, sometimes I would like to slap people who are behaving badly. Particularly those who do it in the name of Jesus and the church. I sometimes yell at people while I'm driving (always followed by a prayer of forgiveness). Every morning when I wake up I pray for wisdom, patience and I give thanks for God's grace.

No, I am not perfect but I try to be a good person. And I think that's what Jesus wants from us. To try everyday to be a better person than the day before. I hope I can be worthy of His grace.